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Power Of The Pack: Women Who Support Women Are More Successful

I always say a woman alone has power; collectively we have an impact. Traditionally we have been taught to be competitive with one another because there was such a scarcity of jobs at the top. It’s so clear that strategy doesn’t work. The truth is that raising each other up and channeling the power of collaboration is truly how we’ll change the equation—and have a lot more fun along the way.

There is a boys’ club where women never felt comfortable, so we decided to create a Girls’ Lounge more than six years ago where everyone feels like they belong. We discovered two things:

      1. There is power in the pack
      2. You realize your strengths make the table better.

Today we’ve connected more than 17,500 corporate women and female entrepreneurs and evolved the name to The FQ Lounge, where women are still the majority, but men feel welcome and comfortable.

We need to reverse the stereotype that women don’t support other women. There is research that shows women in particular benefit from the collaboration over competition.  Study after study shows women who support women are more successful in business.

New research in the Harvard Business Review finds that while both men and women benefit from having a network of well-connected peers across different groups, women who also have an inner circle of close female contacts are more likely to land executive positions with greater authority and higher pay, while there was no link found for the success of men in terms of the gender composition of their inner circles.

The reason? Women trying to rise up into leadership face cultural and systemic hurdles that make it harder for them to advance, such as unconscious bias. The study suggests that a way to overcome some of these hurdles is to form close connections with other women, who can share experiences from women who have been there, and done that—from how to ask for what you’re worth to bring your unique talents to leadership.

“There’s a new girls’ club that we didn’t have before because the workplace was largely male-dominated,” says Jocelyn Greenky, an office culture and politics expert and CEO of Sider Road. “Now that so many more women are entering the workplace, we’re finding our voice. We’re also building circles of trust with one another because we may be experiencing similar hurdles, and have each other’s backs.”

Laura McGee, CEO of Diversio, which uses artificial intelligence to help companies overcome diversity challenges, agrees.  “Across all our companies in multiple sectors and countries, we see access to networks as one of the key barriers preventing women from advancing. We know that women are under-sponsored by senior men, and may need to compensate by developing strong professional relationships with other women. My hypothesis on the research findings is that these women are effectively acting as mentors and sponsors for one another.”

Here is advice from women leaders on how to find and cultivate a close network of female professionals.

Take the word “work” out of networking. There is power in relationships that extends beyond a generic introduction. When you create connections based on shared interests and goals, you’ll be more successful at your job, because people want to work with people they know and like. The Girls’ Lounge first started because I didn’t want to go to a male-dominated conference alone, so I invited some girlfriends to come along and asked them to invite their friends.

“The Girls’ Lounge has impacted me both personally and professionally.  Most industries are so siloed, but the lounge breaks down these barriers and lets you connect with women you would never even imagine,” says Gail Tifford, Chief Brand Officer of WW, formerly Weight Watchers. “And that’s when magic can happen.”

“My advice to women is to reframe what “networking” is,” says Tifford.  “The fact alone that the word has “work” in it creates pressure for women to feel like it’s something they have to do, and then I see women stress about how to do it.  Simply putting yourself in environments that give you the opportunity to meet with peers and get to know each other and share experiences can be a game changer. And chances are, if you make meaningful connections, they are ones that will last a lifetime.”

Prioritize relationship building. You don’t do business with a company, you do business with people you like and trust. I have always prioritized time with my girlfriends. “To make these connections, you first have to decide if it is important to you,” says Erica Keswin, author of Bring Your Human to Work and founder of the Spaghetti Project.  “Does your calendar reflect your values? A lot of time it doesn’t, not because we’re bad people, but because we have so much on our plates. Ask yourself, ‘Are relationships important and why?’ It could be because you want a new job, or to move up in your career. We’re not connecting when left to our own devices, so schedule time for it.”

Know that connection building isn’t a one-and-done. Networking is one and done: It’s where you shake someone’s hand and gives them a business card. Where does that leave you? With a stack of business cards on your desk. A relationship, on the other hand, touches your heart and creates an everlasting partnership. To keep connections alive, they must be nurtured.

“Seek out people who you admire. Ask for advice, and follow up. Participate wherever and however you can. In short, be a doer!” says Linda Yaccarino Chairman, Advertising and Partnerships at NBCUniversal.

Amplify other women. I love the Shine Theory, which is the idea that when you help another woman rise, we all shine. “Build other women up! If you see your co-worker doing a great job, give them credit…tell your boss or other co-workers,” says Rebecca Wiser, cofounder, and director of communications at Womaze, an app centered around self-empowerment for women. “At first it may seem like you’re taking attention away from yourself, but you’re actually showing that you’re a supportive team player as well as an inspiring leader—and secure enough in yourself to praise others.”

Find your squad—and tap into them. Who would be your go-to group of girls if you had an emergency, needed honest advice, or wanted a key business introduction? When it comes to building relationships, you often get what you give.

Pam Kaufman, President of Viacom/Nickelodeon Global Consumer Products, shares this advice that she once received: “Richelle Parham, the former CMO for eBay who sits on the board for Best Buy, once asked me, ‘Who is on your team?’ She didn’t mean people I managed, but who I had in my professional life that served as my support network. Taking Richelle’s advice, I began building my squad – people I could bounce ideas off of, go to for advice, and pick me up when I needed a boost. Today, my squad is so important for my career and my mental well-being. Not only do we support each other, but we act as connectors to people and opportunities. Whenever one of us comes across a great opportunity, we immediately send it to each other. It is amazing to be part of a group of women who want you to be your very best and actively help you to succeed.”

We’re better together. As Madeleine Albright said, “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” As we say from personal experience, “There is a special place in heaven for women who support other women.”

Source: forbes.com ~ By: Shelley Zalis ~ Image: Canva Pro

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6 Ways To Communicate With More Authority

6 Ways To Communicate With More Authority

It takes courage to voice your ideas and stick up for them. These tips can help.

Hierarchy is disappearing in many companies, and that’s opening the door for employees at every level to contribute–and even lead. The trouble is, many of us haven’t picked up the skills we need to make our voices heard. These six tips can help you get comfortable with communicating with more authority across your entire organization and even outside it.

1. DECIDE ON YOUR CONVICTIONS

It takes some courage to share your ideas at work. Especially if the goal is to influence people outside your immediate team, including those you don’t have any power over—your boss, a senior executive, a prospective client, you name it—you might feel like you’re stepping out of line.

But consider this: The word “courage” includes the Latin root “cor,” meaning “heart.” Don’t share ideas or beliefs that aren’t heartfelt. You need to have a strong conviction in your ideas before asking others to consider them. But if you believe you have a contribution to make, go for it!

2. DON’T HEDGE

Once you’ve decided that the point you have to make is worthwhile, state it boldly, clearly, and confidently. Never lead with an apology (“I’m sorry if I’m saying something you already know”), introduce caveats (“I’m not sure about this, but let me give it a try”), insert tentative language (“It could be that . . . “; “My best guess is . . . ”), fill in the background information first.

Get right to your point. Clarity and directness give you power and authority, especially when you’re trying to communicate with higher-level leaders.

3. STAND YOUR GROUND

Defend your ideas if it turns out that you need to. It may be tough to stand up to dissenting views, particularly if the opposition comes from people more senior than you. But remember that the ideas most worth sharing are likely to be at least a little controversial. So when you say something new, expect to be challenged, then rise to the occasion by showing why you’ve taken your position.

When you do respond, be careful not to be defensive or aggressive–that will only make you look less confident and undermine your message. Instead, acknowledge the other person’s point of view, and succinctly, politely explain why you see things differently. Remember that every challenge gives you an opportunity to reaffirm your point. Welcome it as an opportunity.

4. BE WILLING TO CHALLENGE OTHERS

I’ve coached leaders at all levels, and often senior officers tell me that they value thoughtful input that sparks dialogue—they like it when people challenge each other and share contrary views. “That’s what we’re paying them for,” one CEO told me. “We want their best ideas.”

So when you bring critical thinking to the table, do it in a collaborative spirit. When you challenge a plan, don’t just say, “You’re wrong” or “I disagree.” Instead, say, “I understand where you’re coming from, but let’s take your logic one step further.” Or ask, “Could we achieve the same goal more cost-effectively, by . . .” That dialogue builds better solutions than either staying quiet or getting combative.

5. ALWAYS SHOW RESPECT

It takes courage to communicate in the same open, confident way to everyone. Most of us are conditioned to address people differently, according to their relative authority. So keep that in mind. Don’t talk to senior leaders sycophantically. Phrases like “with all due respect” or “to be honest” sound condescending. By the same token, don’t let executives take over the conversation or silence you. There’s always a temptation to defer to those who have more power than you. But they won’t respect you for that. Ultimately, the best way to show respect for upper-level managers is by sharing your best ideas with them.

And when you address those less senior to you, show an equal degree of respect. Listen to them carefully, acknowledge their views, and build on their ideas wherever you can. Communicating forcefully isn’t possible if it doesn’t come from a place of respect, no matter where it’s directed.

6. BE AUTHENTIC

Finally, it can take extraordinary courage simply to be yourself while you’re sharing your ideas, especially if you work in a company on a team where you aren’t necessarily seen as someone to voice your views.

Sometimes that isn’t always personal–it’s cultural. As you look around at your peers, you might feel there’s a normal way of dressing, speaking, looking, and acting. There’s no need to resist corporate culture in your effort to become a more powerful communicator.

But you also need to have the courage to preserve your spontaneity, creative energy, vitality, and sense of humor. Suppressing those qualities won’t serve you, your message, or your company.

Source: fastcompany.com ~ By: JUDITH HUMPHREY ~ Image: Canva Pro

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Regaining Personal Authority In Your Life

Regaining Personal Authority

I suggest that the single most important task of the second half of life is the recovery of personal authority, and mobilizing the courage and resources to live our truth in the world.

In What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life, I suggest that the single most important task of the second half of life is the recovery of personal authority, namely, the discovery of what is true for us, really true, and mobilizing the courage and resources to live our truth in the world. Sounds simple, but it is the most difficult thing we will ever do. Yet how could we ever make sound choices about the course of our life, the values which matter to us, and what our life means to us without this personal authority?

This morning I spoke with a woman who has been stymied in her desire for further education by her fear of writing papers. She is bright, articulate, and passionate about her studies, and yet she has postponed them, and therefore her life development. Depth psychology has taught us that “it is not about what it is about.” Her dilemma is not about her writing papers. Rather the blocking energy derives from an old fear of criticism, the fear of losing the approval of others, and the cumulative shaming of her childhood efforts to express herself. It is easy for all of us outside her history to ask why does she allow her future to be determined by these spectral voices of her past?

The founder of analytic psychology, Carl Jung, observed that all our troubles stem from one place–the separation from our instincts. And yet our dependent, vulnerable existence as infants and children oblige that we meet the demands that the environment around us expects: “do this; don’t do that; it is ok to feel this, desire this; it is not ok; don’t ask, don’t expect; twist and torque yourself into a pretzel to get your needs met and stay out of harm’s way;” and so on. These thousand, thousand adaptations are necessary, but each potentially estranges us from our internal guidance systems which automatically know what is right, what is healthy, for us, and which ones not.

Years later, those necessary adaptations have grown familiar, reflexive, and directive in our lives. For example, we all have internalized adaptive behaviors so long that we reflexively find ourselves in subtle patterns of avoidance or compliance with what seems powerfully demanding in our lives. We learn to identify with emotional deficits and sabotage ourselves, or compulsively seek reassurance from others through solicitations of their approval. Over time these reflexive responses become who we seem to be, and create those self-sabotaging patterns. After all, we don’t rise in the morning and say to the mirror while we brush our teeth, “Today I will do the same stupid things I have been doing for decades.” But chances are today, and tomorrow, we will. Unwittingly, we thus become prisoners of our past. When we ponder these repetitions, we are not belaboring the past, or preoccupied with it–we are wisely tumbling to the fact that the unexamined past governs our present choices and submits us to the reductive, infantilizing experiences of the past.

The good news in all of this is that over time we begin to suffer the discrepancy between this false, adaptive self, and the natural energies within us which wish expression in the world. The ultimate question we have to ask ourselves is, “what wants to enter the world through me?” This is not a narcissistic question; it is a respectful, reverential invitation to reflect on the purpose of our journeys. And then we must ask, “what within me stands in the way of embodying that talent, that enthusiasm, that curiosity, that relational gift that I can bring to my family, my friends, my world, and to myself?” This is not an agenda for being famous, recognized by others, or even understood by others. It is rather a question of what I experience as truly meaningful in my life.

Ironically, we do not have far to look for clues as to what wants to enter the world through us. Our psyche, that autonomous source that grows our toenails, digests our food, and forms our thoughts and emotions, is forever seeking our conscious cooperation. What we call symptoms are autonomous commentaries offered up by the psyche on how it views our life, our choices, or our commitments. If what we are doing is in accord with our inner reality, then we will experience, even in the face of suffering and isolation, the support of the feeling function, the rise of energies to the task of life, and the inherent sense of satisfaction which comes from doing what is right for us.

We all know the feeling of doing what is wrong for us, and we frequently will ourselves to continue, even as the psyche throws up more and more protest. It is the tendency of our culture, perhaps of each of us, to say, “how quickly can I remove this symptom, this depression, this addiction, this anxiety disorder?” But would it not make a profound difference in our lives if we rather asked the question, “why has it come to me, and what does it want from me?” This sort of inquiry is humbling, but it is the beginning of wisdom, and the beginning of that dialogue with our own psyche (which is, after all, the Greek word for soul) that begins the recovery of our personal authority.

In the end, we need to feel that the life we lived was our life, not someone else’s, that it was chosen rather simply our following the instructions on the box, and that we stood in a respectful relationship to that which is larger than ordinary comforts and provided a deep sense of meaning, of satisfaction, and reciprocity. Then it may be said that we have really been here, living the life we were meant to live. The task, and the path we take in addressing it, will be different for each of us, but that is the gift we are asked to share, the gift of our separate selves.

Source: huffpost.com ~ By: Jungian Analyst ~ Image: Canva Pro

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You Have Authority in Your Life

Photo created by Author in PP

You are not a doormat!

What comes to mind when you hear the word authority? Do you picture the image of a person with a badge and gun, a government official or agency, a parent, a customer, your boss, or his boss? What about God and the Bible? There are numerous sources of authority and power in life, and many are needed to live a life of peace.

Yes, authorities must exist in our lives. We are often under someone or something’s authority and have personal authority over ourselves. There are times when we give some of our authority to our spouse, pastor, friends, colleagues, relatives, and others for our benefit. However, we must be careful in giving up our personal authority because of the potential loss of control.

As we begin our discussion of personal authority, let’s first look at the definition of authority in the Oxford Languages dictionary:

authority — noun

1. the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience.

2. a person or organization having power or control in a particular, typically political or administrative, sphere.

3. the power to influence others, especially because of one’s commanding manner or one’s recognized knowledge about something.

It is clear in this definition that authority is power, command, and control over something or someone. Another way of saying this is the one with authority is in charge, making them responsible for an outcome. Most of the time, that is.

“You can delegate authority, but you cannot delegate responsibility.” Byron Dorgan (1942-present)

While the dictionary definition points us in the right direction, it provides little insight into the meaning of personal authority.

Personal authority

One of the better definitions I have found for personal authority is:

“What constitutes “personal authority”? Stated most simply, it means to find what is true for oneself and to live it in the world… Respectful of the rights and perspectives of others, personal authority is neither narcissistic nor imperialistic. It is a humble acknowledgement of what wishes to come to being through us.” James Hollis, PhD (1940-present)

Hollis speaks truth in his words, and to develop this definition even further, look at what Psychology Today has to say:

“Personal authority does not come from unkept promises but rather by truthful actions and deeds with decent and fair purpose.” Alexei Orlov (1737–1808)

Taking personal authority over your life is essential for living to the fullest. By exercising personal authority, you take control and responsibility for your life, your body, what you do, how you act, and many other things.

Yet, too many of us surrender our authority when it would be far better to maintain it. This leads one to ask, where do you have power over your life? Are you in charge of your life? If so, over what parts? If you have chosen to surrender your authority in some areas, allowing someone or something else to control you, for what purpose have you done so? Should you take control back? So many questions!

“The disappearance of a sense of responsibility is the most far-reaching consequence of submission to authority.” Stanley Milgram (1933–1984)

Certainly, you exercise control over much in your life. You control what you put in your mouth and allow it before your eyes don’t you? Yet how many of us give up this control over our appetites? Who is in control, you or your appetite? Do you allow your appetite to control what goes in your mouth or before your eyes? But then, you and your appetite are one, or are they?

In what other areas is it possible to give up your authority or power? There are far too many to list here, but a few include:

      • your job

Is it possible you have given control to someone or something else in some or all of these areas, even when it’s to your detriment?

“No man has any natural authority over his fellow men.” Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712–1778)

Take your authority back

How can you regain control or authority over your life? It’s as simple as one-two-three.

      1. Make two lists — one of where you have maintained personal authority in your life and one where you have surrendered or given it away.

Expect friction to develop when you begin taking control back from areas you had given up.

What are a few areas of personal authority you can consider retaking?

      • Finances

A few examples of regaining authority include:

      • A child has you wrapped around their little finger, and you spoil them. You know it is not a healthy way for the kid to grow up. Take charge and change it immediately!

This is the reality of life. It is your life. You only have one shot at it. No one gets a do-over! It is up to you to be the mature, responsible adult, becoming as true to yourself as possible, regardless!

Think about this — if you don’t take control of your life, who can? Someone else will if you don’t step in and step up, I can assure you of that!

I am not saying go around like a bull in a China shop and destroy everything in your path as you take back control over your life. Use your ability to think and act as an adult, not as a child or bully. Especially not with your spouse or kid! Treat them in a kind, firm, responsible, mature way with the love they deserve. But stop letting anyone or anything walk all over you. You are not a doormat!

“Authority without wisdom is like a heavy ax without an edge, fitter to bruise than polish.” Anne Bradstreet (1612–1672)

Final words

I hope you take away some new thoughts about personal authority by reading this article. Give serious attention to where you maintain control, have surrendered control, and should regain control. Knowing this information will firmly position you to begin living a fuller life of purpose and dignity, enjoying a better future.

When you take full responsibility for your personal authority, you create a better world for yourself and those you love. What a great gift for both you and them!

Source: medium.com ~ By: Bill Abbate~ Photo created by Author in PP

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Personal Authority

Personal Authority

Mark Twain said it beautifully: It’s never wrong to do the right thing.

Personal authority does not come from unkept promises but rather from truthful actions and deeds with decent and fair purposes.

How one lives their life and impacts upon the common good separates the chaff from the wheat. So much good in life has been orphaned because we humans all too often fail to do the right thing; too often, we are short in action yet long on opinion.

This is where the matter of truth or, if you like, value comes in. We are all limited or freed by the nature and extent of our knowledge as well as the environment that surrounds us.

It follows then that it is important not to assume that one’s own perspective supersedes the knowledge and values of others.

Our cultures, and national and personal histories, will never be a unifying bonding agent but kindness gives us the right to call ourselves “humankind.” And we are faced with dramatic change like never before seen by this living generation. Meaningful change is fundamental to our very existence.

Undergoing tremendous change is often an unavoidable necessity. Change usually brings degrees of fear. Dread of the unknown, mostly.

But we do have choices. We can always opt to do the right things in a manner that we can live with, not with blind or foolish courage, but rather, with valor. A coeur vaillant rien d’impossible is a much-loved French proverb—it suggests that with valor, nothing is impossible. Valor is courage with care and responsibility; a steadfastness that faces truths and overcomes with care and conscience. When one witnesses such character, it truly is a thing to behold, especially as the most important things in life that need to be done are almost always the most difficult.

Embracing and being thoughtful, whilst at the same time being resolute and getting things done properly for the eventual common good, is a far better alternative than abject complacency or surrender.

It is, to my mind, far better to live the absolutes of a life well and play the game of business and life successfully by being ever true to one’s persona and authority, giving credence to the inherent power that lives within us all.

It is a careful yet progressive change that holds out the promise of what it means to belong to humankind—and hopefully, the value that it brings.

Source: psychologytoday.com ~ By: Alexei Orlov ~ Image: Canva Pro

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